Guys

I just came back from a weeklong vacation and all I can think about is John Hughes and sand. Here's a photo from New England, where there are beaches and things.



Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I started a tumblr and you can read it here. I'll still be posting on this blog, but I thought it might be fun to have another spot I could use as a sketchbook, a notepad, a cabinet of curiosities, a hope chest, if you will, for jottings and dabblings and links to articles about Micky Dolenz's wife, who's apparently been arrested for stealing money or, in the words of The Post, "[making] a Monkee out of the city." I could also be dead wrong. But, in the meantime, jot it down in your dabbler! And, for your widget pleasure, there's a feed to the tumblr I've named "Klausnerama" on your right, in that column, below the thing that says "About Me." Click away!

Thank you.

My New Best Friend

just sent me two fantastic Doggy Door-themed Youtube videos. Both feature unsettling accompanying music, so be sure to turn the volume on your computer all the way up.

Here is "Cute Sheep Trying to Get Through Dog Door" (Celtic Folk style)



And here is "Cat Evicts Dog At Door" (Dragnet style)

Hey, Code Pink!

Now that Bush is out of office, couldn't you gals find a better new cause than removing everybody's favorite mud from Duty-Free stores near the El-Al gates in PETA-style bikinis?



Via Jezebel

This Photograph Has Caused Me To Reconsider My Limited Denim Policy

Citizen TMI

This weekend, one of my gay friends explained what a "rosebud" was. It totally changed the meaning of Citizen Kane for me.

Fake Jerk

If you listened to this week's Best Show, Tom talked about some clown who impersonated Guy Fieri to get into a baseball game. Guy Fieri, for those who don't know, is revolting on both of his gigs; as the current spokesperson for T.G.I.Friday's, and as host of the Food Network's "Diners, Drive-In's and Dives."

He also makes the guy from Ace of Cakes look handsome and stylish.

Here's the video of the second-ugliest guy in the world, giving an interview like he's the same schmuck in the wraparound sunglasses, bowling shirt, and bleached hair who eats cheesefries for a living, instead of just as a hobby.

My Book!

Holy shit! My book is available for pre-order on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders & Indiebound, as I live and blog!

Here's the cover. Judge it by it!

I Met Tyler!

And he made me a coke cake! It was so good, I'm tempted to crown him the NEW cake boss.

The Best Thing in the World

Here's my favorite birthday gift of all time, one day early: a video of the most head-tiltiest, internet-not-understandingest, cutest dog ever watching a Youtube video of his cat friend. The best part is when he goes over to check on the cat, because he doesn't understand how she could be there and also here. Oh, wait, I'm sorry: the best part is all of it.

How The Can Opener Works

It's Woody Allen Week over at ThisRecording.com. Check out my piece on Hannah & Her Sisters.

Your Daily Hubris

From HuffPo: Marshall Fine, best known as the "fine" referred to on his website hollywoodandfine.com, writes Zach Galifianakis an Open Letter, pleading for him not to "sell out" to "suits." [Via Gabe]

From IMDB.com User Comments: The best writer in the world has crafted an amazing rant decrying the cancellation of "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place." Nate found this, and I posted it in its entirety on the blog.

From SOAPnet: Jesse's tip pays off. Here is the magnificent Danielle Staub as "Mow-ra" the villianess, from a 2001 episode of All My Children. "The question is, what hasn't she done?"

In Which I Am Servicey

Hello! So, as you can see from my post title, I am very good at blogging. And with Best Week Ever's temporary demise, I am currently seeking a job for which I write about pop "cult-cha"--only wait for it, here's the catch, watch this maneuver-- for money. Do you know of such a thing? Please contact me at klausnerama (at) gmail (dot) com if you do.

Thanks! Now here's a video of a dog on a water slide.

[Via URLesque]

Mow-ra

In between all the CNN-ery of last night, I managed to tear myself away from the speculation on the enormity of the death of the day to watch Part 2 of the RHONJ reunion. And it was fucking insane.



Call this a cop-out if you like, but the only way I can present that which I cannot yet digest is via dialogue. Here's my email exchange from this morning with my friend Jesse, who edits SOAPnet.com and contributes revelatory items to That's Important on a regular basis.

Watch what happens.

Jesse: What do you think Danielle tried to do to Dina??? I MUST KNOW

Me: I am APPALLED at Andy Cohen's shoddy reporting skills. He should have forced Dina to tell us all what happened. And the nerve of Bravo using Caroline's reaction in the tease with no delivery! I think Danielle hired somebody to beat Dina up. All of her trash-talking about how "her fans have her back" makes me think she has new thugs/ bouncers she is boning for protection! My favorite revelation was that Grandma Wrinkle smells like French Fries.

Jesse: I love Grandma Wrinkle so much. And I love that all Teresa said last night was “Wait, isn’t he gay?” I thought about the beating up thing too….but weirdly Jacqueline and Dina seemed too calm, if they know. Apparently Dina’s into self-help books. How can she be so forgiving!?!?! I love these women.

Me: Yes. Teresa was the Alex of the NJ reunion. She really clammed up after Andy Cohen (whom I strongly feel you should date, just to get access to SECRETS) weighed in on her revolting guido husband's homophobia. I think she's the most loathesome of all of them. And Caroline needs to knock it off with her monologues! What is this, An Evening With Eric Bogosian?

Jesse: Teresa is the most loathsome. And the dumbest. Danielle is a SURVIVOR! “We slept together for several days, hugged and cuddled and just pretended it was a movie.”

Me: Oh my God, I forgot about that! Danielle is quite possibly my favorite human.

Jesse: “Okay, we’ve established that maybe I am a nymphomaniac.”We’re putting the clip of her on All My Children on SOAPnet.com later today!!! She plays a woman named “Mow-ra.” Ooooh! Danielle’s blog said all she “did” to Dina was give Dina’s ex-brother-in-law some phone numbers because he asked her. Maybe the family was trying to get Lexie? Also, Lexie needs to blow her nose.

Me: What in Christ's name is an "ex-brother-in-law"? I am trying to think of what it could be and my brain hurts like Teresa's must when she tries remembering her phone number. Please send me the Danielle clip ASAP. Why she is not cast as a villainess in everything produced ever is Hollywood's filthy loss.

Jesse: It’s all so complex. They’re Italian. We should come out with a line of Real Housewives paper dolls.

Julie: WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING! Please start sleeping with Andy Cohen. For me? For Grandma Wrinkle?

Jesse: I would gladly do that. I need an introduction!

"For ever and ever and ever"

From the Free to Be...You and Me TV special (1974); MJ & Roberta Flack

Brillz

My old pal Jim A. created a Flickr set of the worst possible 33 1/3 books he could think of. Here's my favorite two of the covers he designed.